Man up? No, let’s start talking about mental health
Wray Thomson is the founder of Man Chat, an Aberdeen-based project that supports both men and women from across the UK who are experiencing suicidal thoughts or poor mental health. He recently held a virtual ‘heart-to-heart’ discussion with Petrofac employees on the topic of men’s mental health to raise awareness of the subject and help remove the stigma surrounding it.
"Hello folks. I’m Wray, an ex-offshore mechanic turned comedian. I don’t actually work for Petrofac but I had the pleasure of meeting Petrofac employees from across the UK during a virtual session to mark Men’s Mental Health Month.
First, a bit about me! I used to struggle talking about my mental health up until the day that I tried to take my own life. Fortunately, my attempt was unsuccessful and since then I’ve tried to use my experience and what I’ve learned to tackle the taboo issue of men’s mental health, all with a sprinkling of dry humour.
Too often we’re told to just ‘man up’ and ‘be strong’. These dangerous messages have cost us the lives of men who suffered in silence. Combine this societal pressure with the impact that the ongoing coronavirus pandemic has had on people’s wellbeing, and it’s unsurprising that the suicide rate is rising in the UK and beyond.
I really wanted to do something to help anyone, but particularly men who found themselves in a similar situation to me. In 2019 I launched Man Chat, an organisation that initially aimed to provide men across the north-east of Scotland an opportunity to discuss their feelings online and in a weekly support group. To start with I had my doubts that anyone would be interested, but when six guys turned up to the first meeting I knew I was onto something. It grew quickly from there and one month later 150 people showed up, before snowballing to 400 men together in one room at our peak.
Too often we’re told to just ‘man up’ and ‘be strong’. These dangerous messages have cost us the lives of men who suffered in silence. Combine this societal pressure with the impact that the ongoing coronavirus pandemic has had on people’s wellbeing, and it’s unsurprising that the suicide rate is rising in the UK and beyond.
We’ve obviously had to adapt the way we work because of the pandemic and now a lot of our support is provided through Facebook messenger and virtual meetings. Since lockdown began in March, we’ve received thousands of messages every month from people all over the UK seeking mental health support and looking for advice on how they can help their partner/child/sibling/parent/friend.
Whilst mental health doesn’t discriminate, there is still a particular stigma surrounding men’s mental health, and the fact that suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45, just can’t be ignored.
According to the Samaritans, four in 10 men feel they have been negatively affected by the isolation and social restrictions put in place because of coronavirus. I’ve encountered so many guys who don’t want to ask for help as they’re afraid of looking weak or stupid. That’s something we discussed at length during Petrofac’s session yesterday. I want to get the point across that the internal struggles we experience as men, are just as valid as any other. They do not make us less of a man.
What I’ve found is that many men don’t know how to ask for help, so I wanted to reiterate some of the strategies we discussed on the call:
Helping others
- Being there for people isn’t always enough – we need to be consistent. If you suspect someone you know is struggling check in with them daily. Show them you’re reliable. They might not feel like opening up just yet, but if you’re consistent, they may be more likely to come to you when they are ready
- If you’re witnessing a change in someone that you don’t feel you know well enough to approach, try getting a group together and involve them, or send helpful information on mental health (and offer up your support!) to that group so that they don’t feel singled out
Helping yourself
- Let me say this; if you are struggling, you are not alone. You are normal. You are most likely surrounded by people who can not only relate to how you’re feeling, but would want to help you if they had the chance. Talk to them, give them that chance to support you
- If you don’t feel you can talk to someone you know, use one of the many confidential resources out there. I believe Petrofac has its own ‘Employee Assistance Programme’. Alternatively, talk to the Samaritans or download the Prevent Suicide app, which highlights warning signs, coping strategies and local resources
Whoever you are, if you do one thing this Men’s Mental Health Month, please talk. Talk about this topic generally and talk more regularly about how you’re feeling. Let’s remove the stigma surrounding mental health problems and encourage more people to seek support when they really need it.
Find out more about Man Chat, here.